Confiscated drugs used to fund capital campaign

“Weed used for financial need,” public safety says By Reggie Last ‘11 Rap Icon/News Aficionado             An investigation performed by the Easton Police this Sunday concluded, confirming rumors that Lafayette Public Safety has been engaged in the selling of illicit drugs. The investigation’s results put an end to a series of concerns that have been […]

New study reveals link between Timberland boots and impotence

Research provides answers to nationwide crisis of fraternity flaccidity By Candice B. Fureal ‘12 Misfit After a year-long impotency epidemic on college campuses across America, the National Association of Dysfunction Diagnostic Services released a report finding that Timberlandboots are the cause of this crisis. NADDS conducted research on men ages 18-22 at four year institutions […]

Foot-toucher strikes again: Miscreant moves to heads, shoulders, knees, as well as toes

By D.B Wimpiss ‘28 | Mustache-of-the-Year Champ Lafayette may have a serial caresser on its hands, according to local authorities. The breaking-and-entering figure known as “The Foot-Toucher” has struck again, entering two more houses and stroking victims before leaving. Rider, a chemical engineering major, woke up when she felt a finger gently poke her shoulder multiple […]

Admin organ-izes new tuition plan: Kidneys used as form of tuition payment

By Juno Nothing ‘61 | Daydreamer Photo by Alberta Hoffman ‘43 College administrators reported earlier this week that, in order to ease the burden of the two percent tuition increase for the next Academic year, they are allowing students to pay their tuition in a variety of alternative methods. “We know that, despite the fact that […]

Powell to the People: I’m insane

By Cameron Powell ‘17 | Staff Writer School newspaper humorist Cameron Powell of The Lafayette has been officially diagnosed as clinically insane. After a near decade of telling people this very fact, they’ve finally started listening. He has been diagnosed with a number of mental ailments ranging from, but not limited to, Schwarzenneggerian Speech Disorder, Attention […]

White boy wasted: Lafayette presented award for continued dedication to frat-rapper community

By D.B Wimpiss ‘28 | Mustache-of-the-Year Champ Photo by Alberta Hoffman ‘43 The Lafayette Entertainment Committee was awarded a distinction earlier this week by the National Association for the Advancement of White Rappers for their “Proven and continued support of the white rapper community,” read a press release. The NAAWR’s statement cited Spring Concert Artists of […]