Varsity teams to hold Zoom practices

Due to the coronavirus ending the athletic season, many teams are forced to continue their practices over Zoom, a video chat application. The decision was announced by Patriot League President Duncan Schute. “We hold out athletes to the highest standards,” Schute said. “They will need to elevate their game quarantine or no quarantine.” Baseball teams […]

Skillman computers and printers programmed to fail when students need them most

An anonymous source from inside Lafayette’s IT department revealed the college’s secret plan to punish students who procrastinate. Reportedly, the computers in Skillman have been purposefully programmed to detect how close students are to their deadlines, and when students are really pushing it, the devices shut down. The first step in this sinister plot was […]

Incoming editor-in-chief returns from study abroad to find newspaper disbanded

Incoming editor-in-chief ClaireBear ’20 returned home from South America after studying abroad to find The Lafayette newsroom completely barren of all things newspaper. Excited to be reunited with her colleagues, ClaireBear walked in to find a different student organization in the middle of a board meeting. “I’m so confused,” ClaireBear said. “This is when we […]