The classic Lafayette question: NYC or Philly? “Funny you should ask: try Binghamton.”
Jack-o’-lanterns. “Gut-eating, face-stabbing fun for all ages.”
Meta-jokes. “Nobody likes them. Just stop it.”
iOS 11. “I wasn’t using that iPad anyway.”
Twitter’s new 280 character limit. “You only really need six words.”
People who say “a scissors” instead of “scissors.” “Don’t get us started on this.”
The phrase “I can’t even.” Technically it’s not true. You can.
Rain. “Enough already with the wanton destruction.”
Dorm fridge. “Uselessly small, energy hog, why bother.”
Star Wars nerds. “Complaining about inaccurate reviews since Khan.”
The Sun Also Rises. “Antisemitic bullfight-lover dines, travels, gets friend-zoned.”
Certs. Poor man’s lifesaver but with Retsyn.
Picture frames: Who cares, they hold pictures. Bingo.
Randy in Procurement who always “forgets” to refill the coffee maker even though we’ve circulated fifty-eleven memos about it and there’s even a note right there!, right on the white laminate cabinet above it, that says, “An unfilled coffee pot is no one’s cup of tea”: We say, live and let live.