For the past week, all Greek Organizations at Lafayette have frantically been relocating all remaining snow into their respective houses in order to keep them as white as possible. “The seasons are changing and so are the demographics of the fraternity,” an anonymous fraternity president shared with The Lafayette. “This is unacceptable. We are dedicated […]
Day: April 2, 2021
College still co-ed
As students and faculty reflect on the past 50 years of co-education at Lafayette, one thing has become abundantly clear: the admission of women into the college has led to nothing but trouble. On June 1, 1967, a committee was established to explore the possibility of admitting females to degree programs at Lafayette College. Committee […]
Milo’s Place operating at reduced capacity of several hundred students at a time
Popular Easton dive bar Milo’s Place is struggling financially to operate at 25% capacity during the COVID-19 pandemic, forcing the establishment to turn away patrons at the door once the crowd reaches the 275-person limit. “It’s been a tough year with the lockdowns,” said Tony Bonanno, Milo’s Place owner. “But despite the setbacks, we are […]
Lafayette introduces COVID-19 level negative 1
Due to Lafayette’s success in managing the pandemic, the administration has consulted with members of the CDC and decided to add an additional operational level: Level -1. Level -1 will be below Level 0, and will only be put into place when the campus has either exactly 0% of students with COVID-19 or 100%. Either […]
Spring break 2022 to be twelve hours long
The success of this week’s 48-hour spring break has prompted the administration to take a closer look at the true place of a “break” on college campuses. “This week’s spring break was really efficient. We went to bed on Monday night feeling exhausted and got up Thursday morning ready to go. The birds were singing, […]
Lafayette financial aid office hands over reins to GameStop executive board
After the recent spike in GameStop stock and the noticeable lack of a spike in available financial aid, the Board of Trustees officially approved the motion for all members of the financial aid office to be replaced with GameStop executives. “We were all so jealous watching the stock spike at the end of January, and […]
Lafayette introduces Virtual Quad
Due to the college’s concerns about an influx of students enjoying time on the Quad as warmer weather approaches, Lafayette administrators made the executive decision to institute a “Virtual Quad,” in which students can log in and access lawn games, have social interactions, and enjoy time in the sun from the comfort of their laptops. […]
Massive crew team pileup blocks Delaware for days, Easton crayon trade grinds to halt
In an unfortunate start to their first practice this spring, the entire crew team is apparently lodged diagonally in a massive boat-pileup across the Delaware River. “Our glasses got all fogged up from breathing under our masks,” senior coxswain Cock Sin ’21 screamed from the middle of the river. “One minute we were chillin’ and […]
Bailey Health Center to provide self-administering COVID-19 vaccine kits to all Lafayette students
In response to elevated concerns of community transmission of COVID-19, Bailey Health Center will be operating completely remotely for the rest of the spring 2021 semester, leaving students with no place to discreetly collect free condoms they won’t use. Bailey has committed to provide each Lafayette College student with a self-administering vaccine kit complete with […]
The Lafayette apologizes for last week’s story on ‘Shrimp Tails Quesadilla Guy’
The Lafayette editorial and design staff would like to offer a formal apology to the student body for a recent story published about student Michael S. Duck ‘23. Last week, Duck went viral for finding cheese-covered shrimp tails in his Lower quesadilla. “The shrimp tails were pretty wild, but I could tell something was really […]
Lafayette newspaper faces hazing allegations
The Lafayette Newspaper staff is under investigation for hazing allegations. The allegations, alleged by new members, include forcing writers to stay up late on consecutive days and forcing them to text potential interviewees who have no intention of responding. When Public Safety was alerted of the hazing allegations, two maskless officers immediately made their way […]
Students clamor for working ice cream machine in Upper Farinon while Lafayette razes entire block of College Hill
Uproar on Lafayette’s campus continues as the College plans to steamroll another city block despite students begging the senior administration for a working soft serve ice cream machine in the Upper dining area. Students remain staunchly opposed to the 18-million-dollar capital project while they continue to wait for an ice cream machine that isn’t out […]
Lafayette can’t decide, hires 20 presidents
After almost a year since the initial announcement, Lafayette has finally made the decision to not make a decision on who will succeed President Byerly in the upcoming Fall semester. The board has introduced several options for replacements since Byerly announced plans to relinquish her College Hill throne. The first proposal is one that would […]
College introduces donation requirements to ignore Greek hazing, assaults
In its most aggressive attempt to rein in Greek life to date, the College has introduced a minimum donation requirement to overlook hazing and other misconduct allegations. Previously, Greek-affiliated alumni were expected to donate “just enough” to keep the college happy, but under the new system, these rates will be codified. “It seemed pretty obvious, […]