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Quadlers discovered smuggling PediaSure to hungover students, selling for profit
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College hits fundraising goal for more plants in middle of street
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Lafayette urges students to be more sustainable, only drive Hummer® when absolutely necessary to feel like boss
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Dog house dogs complete training, to live as Lafayette students independently
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President demolishes own house to show solidarity with neighborhood
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College to have students teach selves, cut costs of faculty salaries
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Lafayette’s 8 million gnats make return to quad, ask that students stop bumping into them
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Acopian Engineering Center rated #1 Sausage Fest by US News & World Report
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Professors shocked to discover that students have lives outside of classes
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Lafayette forgoes vaccine requirements, opts for chicken pox parties
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Upper’s ice cream machine supplied by McDonald’s
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Athletic Department unveils five-year plan to win a game
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College announces Pard Dollars backed by gold
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Dorm inspections lead to arrest as search crew finds massive stash of candles
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Pardee catches fire for third time after student drops mixtape
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College no longer to require SATs: will take money instead
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College explains expansion plan to Gen Z students: “Lafayette is getting thiccer”
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Report: Lehigh offered to pay Aunt Becky to send children there
Editor’s note: This is a satire piece featured as part of our annual April Fools’ Scoffayette issue.