White supremacists finally find safe space

Lafayette’s quad.

White supremacist John Spencer ’15 said he is happy he found a group of friends he can talk about issues with and “not be labeled a bigot.”

“Inclusion is one of Lafayette’s ideals, and that means the ability to voice and hear any idea,” he said. “What better way to do that than allowing white supremacists to have a voice?”

Lafayette was on the verge of sliding toward the national trend of limiting speech, but now at least a series of presentations will make sure that the idea of shutting off all non-superior speech will also be heard.

Spencer, after dusting off his Sperry’s and Vineyard Vines sweatshirt from the outside world, said that re-embracing inclusion meant that he no longer had to deal with the “systemic, oppressive injustice” that made him withhold his views. He was delighted to learn that members of the college asked him to participate in a presentation on his ideas, which were based on “alternative news sites,” “real facts” and “TRUTH” found in the “depths of the internet.”

“It was a miracle on this hyper-partisan liberal agenda on campus. In the market of ideas, when all market forces were against me, I was offered a massive welfare check,” Spencer said, clarifying that he believes welfare in real life is a fascist dictatorship.

“Anybody should be able to say what they want,” Spencer said. “Of course, though, anything about poor, non-white people and foreigners is fake news.”

Written by Little Blue-Haired Boy ’90

Editor’s note: This article is part of The Scoffayette, our satire April Fool’s edition.

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