In an effort to cut down on top-heavy administration, the college commissioned a working group to look into different ways to shrink the amount of working groups on campus.
“It’s called the Presidential Working Group on Cutting Down on Presidential Working Groups,” said President Alison Byerly, before pausing for a drink of water. “And Task Forces.”
The Presidential Working Group on Cutting Down on Presidential Working Groups and Working Task Forces (PWGCDPWGWTF) will begin by dividing up into separate working groups to look at specific areas the college can slice the number of working groups in half. The Task Force for the Presidential Working Group on Cutting Down on Working Group and Task Forces on the Arts and Sustainability and Chilling on the Quad (TFPWGCDWGTFASCQ) will meet on Wednesday, and will not meet again until two months afterward.
Another working group, the Working Group for the Presidential Working Group on Cutting
Down on Presidential Working Groups and Task Forces on Diversity and Finance and Admissions (WGPWGCDPWGTFDFA) will meet Thursday. They will not take student input.
“Screw it, we’ll make another task force,” Vice President of Task Force Management on Task Forces Edna Braxton said.
The administration has already said they will not release the reports from the groups to The Scoffayette.
The PWGCDPWGWTF has already met, however. Because the report was shared with virtually every other member of campus, The Scoffayette was able to get a copy.
“In observing the state of the college we have had a large amount of task forces and working groups, so it seems appropriate to create task forces and working groups to slowly look at change,” it read. “After the subgroup’s committees and the committees of the subgroup’s committees recommend changes, the reports will be brought to this group, be presented at a faculty meeting, brought to a military tribunal, looked at by a group of elders and presented before the Marquis’s embalmed corpse before being approved unanimously by the board of trustees.”
The report also included repeated references to “diversity,” “sustainability” and the “liberal arts education” for good measure.
Cutting down on these committees comes at a time when the college is expanding, making it more difficult than ever to find the time and resources to bring these ideas to fruition.
“We’ve decided to defund all of Posse, cut down every tree on campus and get rid of our WiFi provider,” said Dean of Campus Climate Tom B. Levenson, who is also Vice President of Pets on Campus, Assistant Dean of Stuff-a- Plush and the chair of one or two of the working groups.
He did not clarify why cutting these programs would benefit the working groups.
“This will free up a lot of our resources to get going on our plans,” he added.
The college will also be accepting donations to support the efforts of the administration to cut down on administration by creating more administration. Donations can be sent to the Office of Very Big Sums of Money to Support Living Connected and Leading Change.