Whether you love them, hate them, or are indifferent towards them, Lafayette’s newest crop of freshmen have arrived and are here to stay. While someday these youngsters will fully assimilate into Lafayette culture of Vineyard Vines, boat shoes, and hating Lehigh, as of this moment they’re still wonderfully new, awkward, and easy to pick out of a crowd if you know what to look for. Here, I’ve outlined the tools and tricks necessary to spot these nascent college students; use them at your discretion:
1. Watch them spin a seven-dollar “Lafayette” embroidered lanyard at a speed so fast you are genuinely concerned they will take off like a helicopter
2. Find a neon green Nalgene water bottle from orientation proudly displayed on their desk or in the side pocket of their book bag.
3. Spot a circular checkpoint fob.
4. See the terrified look on their face upon entering Skillman and realizing they have no idea where anything is.
5. Look for boys who have given up on even trying to leave their dorm rooms on a given weekend night.
6. Overhear them deliberate over whether to attend an event hosted at The Spot.
7. See girls who still dress up for class (can someone please let them know it is October; the first impression ship has sailed).
8. Listen in on their phone conversations to their parents while walking on the quad, pretending to be busy.
9. Overhear them accidentally refer to their professors as “teachers.”
10. Ask if they know anybody who has been recently good Samaritan-ed.