By Michael Kelley ’14 and Mick Kowaleski ’14

Liverpool striker Luis Suarez made headlines after biting Chelsea’sBranislav Ivanovic in Sunday’s 2-2 draw between the squads. 

Kelley: My favorite part of this story is how Mike Tyson got involved. After the incident involving Suarez, Tyson quickly rewarded the striker by following him on Twitter. After all, Tyson knows a thing or two about biting.

Flashback to June 28, 1997. Tyson was fighting Evander Holyfield for the heavyweight championship. In the third round of their fight, Tyson bit Holyfield on his right ear, and took a piece of cartilage with him. Weirdly, the officials decided the fight would resume and shortly thereafter, Tyson bit Holyfield again. Then, he was quickly disqualified and his boxing license was suspended.

Another biting incident in sports history is when Wayne Rollins bit Danny Ainge’s finger. Ainge was a former player for the Celtics and is now the general manager. The headline the next day: “Tree Bites Man.”

Another stems from a 1994 rugby match between South Africa and New Zealand when Johan Le Roux bit New Zealand’s Sean Fitzpatrick’s ear. Suspended for 18 months, Le Roux is quoted as saying, “For an 18-month suspension, I feel I probably should have torn it off.”

Kowaleski: How about we compare Luis Suarez to Luis Suarez?

Some might be surprised that this isn’t the first time that the Liverpool striker has sunk his teeth into an opponent. In 2010, while playing for Ajax, he earned a seven-game ban for biting PSV Eindhoven’s Otman Bakkal.

Suarez isn’t some scrub, either. He’s a world-class player, currently second in the English Premier League in scoring with 23 goals on the year. He first grabbed intense international attention in the 2010 World Cup, where his extensive goal scoring was over-shadowed by an ingenious handball. It’s too complicated and remarkable to go into here, but just Youtube “Uruguay vs. Ghana penalty kick” and witness the punkish brilliance of Luis Suarez.

“Punk” is the best way to describe Suarez, and it’s another reason why this shouldn’t surprise soccer fans. He’s possibly the most hated player in professional soccer, which is saying something considering his peers include John Terry and Cristiano Ronaldo.

His accolades and history make this story more interesting. Imagine if Tyson bit two fighters’ ears? If Zinedine Zidane headbutted more than one Italian? If Roger Clemens threw two broken bats at baserunners?

Suarez deserves more than the 10-game ban that he got. Repeat offender!

Years of irrelevance recently came to an end for two of the NHL’s most storied franchises: the New York Islanders and the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Kelley: The Islanders’ Tuesday night game against the Carolina Hurricanes ended in disappointing shootout loss. But when the players returned to the locker room to see that the Winnipeg Jets also lost that night, the reality set in: the Islanders were back in the playoffs for the first time since 2007. The Islanders…

Long referred to as New York’s forgotten team, the Islanders have righted the ship and head into the postseason with a full head of steam and star center John Tavares leading the way.

As rumors continue to surface that the Islanders may leave Long Island earlier than expected in favor of Brooklyn, there is no better way to reward loyal Long Islanders with one last playoff run in the ancient Nassau Coliseum, which saw a four peat from 1980-83.

Up north across the border, the Toronto Maple Leafs, the NHL’s most valuable franchise, clinched postseason play for the first time since 2004. Back in 2004, lockouts were the norm and Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin were just prospects. With the Maple Leafs back in the playoffs, the NHL can tap into the swath of Canadian hockey fans.

Needless to say, it will be an exciting postseason.

Kowaleski: Criminy. Is it the NHL Playoffs already? I’m unprepared…where’s my Ben Brown-esque stand-in when I need him?

Can’t tell you who my favorite underdog is in this circumstance. I hesitate to root for the Islanders—they’re basically the Mets to the Yankees. As a Yankee fan, I don’t think I can get behind a Little Brother team upstaging a Big Brother team.

Besides, after they qualified, Islanders captain Mark Streit was quoted ranting about writing poetry and visiting a mystic in Saskatchewan. First of all, what the hell is a Saskatchewan? Second of all, I can’t root for a man that visits mystics. Come on.

Then again, Toronto’s hockey team is called the Maple Leafs. That’s just pathetic.

Wait, the other guys are the Islanders! What is going on with the NHL team names here?

Wait, let me check the rest of the league. Flames…cool. Sharks…cool. Senators? Canadiens? Blue Jackets? I have to point out that three of the four teams with lame names are from Canada.

That’s just it—that’s where I draw the line. Always go for ‘Murica. Islanders it is.